The After Christmas Bizarre

So today was the day after Christmas, they day some of us have to return to work. That was strange since many people in the construction business or the retailers of floor coverings or shipping companies offices weren't open. That meant that we had a very slow day. It was kind of nice. I got a lot of cleaning done and a lot of organizing.

This week my family and i are headed out on our semi annual new years trip to the beach. We are going to stay at the Thousand Trails campground in Pacific. I love that place. It is so peaceful, especially in the winter when many people avoid camping. But our family loves it, when we can stay in a cabin or trailer, like the one we own now. This campground comes equipped with a heated and covered pool, a large lodge complete with fireplace and a panoramic view of the ocean. It is gorgeous.

Although I cant wait for the day when I can take a certain special someone on a camping trip to the beach, he knows who he is. I will still enjoy this trip though because the beach is very special to me. Not really sure why I just feel good when I am there no matter what the weather. This is a picture of my sister and me walking out into the waves on the beach near to where we will be staying. Fun, oh yea, cold, definitely.

Love the beach, can't wait to be there.

Christmas!

WARNING! Religious content, this does not mean that I believe exactly what follows, it is intended for informational and entertainment purposes.

Well this is Christmas eve, for my family, its a time to spend time with our relatives. But religiously it is kind of a mixed up time because what the public, and i mean the media mostly, knows is Santa Claus and Christmas trees. These things really have not much to do with actual Christmas that Christians celebrate does not include Santa and Christmas trees, presents or anything like that.

Christmas for Christians is about the birth of Jesus Christ, who is the son of God who was born by a virgin to save us all. He was born on a cold winters night in a stable outside of a inn that didn't have any rooms for his mother and her husband to stay in. That night a bright star shone above the city of Bethlehem where the inn was. Three wise men, Magi, followed the star to him and brought gifts to him to acknowledge the fact that he is the earthly son of God. Angels came down from heaven and sang to some shepherds nearby and told them that the son of God had come. So they came to the stable and bowed down to him.

This is what the Christians believe. What most people celebrate is a cross between that and a pagan midwinter feast. This includes bringing fresh pine boughs into the home lighting a fire in the hearth with the largest log you can find. It also includes giving presents and having candles everywhere, this has changed to hanging Christmas lights everywhere.

Santa Claus is kind of a mystery, no one is exactly sure where he came from and the stories differ from country to country. Here in the US Santa Claus is a jolly old man who wears a red suit and lives at the north pole with his little elves. During the year they make all sorts of toys and presents for all the good little children. He keeps track of who has been naughty or nice. Then on Christmas eve during the night he flies around the world in a sleigh pulled my eight flying reindeer delivering presents.

SO this is Christmas. Have a good one.

Tomorrow is a Brand New Day

I have really nothing to write about except sad things, so I wont write about them. My grandma is back in the hospital. Weather sucks, but here comes Christmas!

Umm

Have a nice day

Oh, Christmas

One thing today, I officially hate Christmas shopping. People are crazy, they grab things like they are going to disappear if they blink. Small white haired ladies push and shove just as hard as the crazy housewives out shopping for her whole entire family. Today my mom and my sister and I went out to do some shopping. We went to get some groceries, and then hit the computer store to try to get my laptop fixed, which has been a crazy crazy process. The phone number didn't work for me, but for them it did. So finally the box to send the computer to them is coming, and should be here by the end of the week. Then I went to the bookstore next door to pick up a gift for a coworker of mine. Then we went to pick up a few other things that I want name, after all it is the Christmastime. Secrets abound.

This Christmas we are having many people here at out house. my grandfather and his girlfriend will be coming. my brother, his wife and their two kids will probably be coming. Then the craziness will begin. We have 2 different Christmas services to go to at 2 different churches, in two different cities. Then there are a few Christmas parties we are invited to and the many packages we will be opening, all the food we will eat.

Oh, the food.

Speaking of, I missed my Weight Watchers meeting. I forgot it was tonight. My schedule was different so I didn't just go like i normally do. But I'm not worried, I'll just go on Saturday. I hope that I will lose a lot of weight. I am so tired of being fat. I'm changing my habits quite a bit, especially my eating. I still have a weakness for cheese, and ice cream. But I can work with that. I just want to be skinny already.

I guess that might be kind of strange to hear from me. But I'm just tired of getting my clothes from the corners of stores in the shadows or not even at all the stores most people can shop at. I'm tired of people saying "you would be so beautiful, if you would just lose some weight," or "You could stand to lose a few pounds," or the absolutely worst one, "When is your baby due." I AM NOT PREGNANT! I don't even know how many times women have come up to me and placed their hands on my stomach and asked me that. It drives me crazy. Not only am I not pregnant, but it is impossible form me to be pregnant. Not that doctors hear that all the time, but I mean it. It is just plain impossible, not just a delusion. Even a few nurses have made me take pregnancy tests because they said it isn't impossible that I was just lying. I wish people would just leave me and my fat body alone.

Well, not everyone. Some people I wish would be with me all the time, and some people would realize that fat people are beautiful. Maybe what I really wish is that someone would realize that I am beautiful and help me feel like that is true. And, maybe its already happening

Why Can't I Think of Anything to Say?

So here I am sitting at my keyboard utterly blank of thought. I am supposed to be thinking of something to talk about today. Not just here in the sanctum of internet-publicized-private-thought that is this blog, but in life. I am supposeed to choose a topic of discussion between Sanjib and myself, not just the requisite, Hi, Hi, How are you business, an actual conversation. I always have a hard time choosing topics to talk about, always, so here goes. We could talk about aliens, ummmm, yea. Uhh its really cold here and two sweatshirts and a blanket can't keep me warm. Ummm I have no idea what to think even. Now comes the customary time for me to make excuses for my poor behavior. Here goes.

I had really long day that started with a really long commute that was made longer by an accident that caused it to take about an hour to cover about a mile. Which got my father and I to work about an hour late, Fun. Then one of my coworkers was being an ass, as usual. He kept saying, my back hurts, I'm tired, blah blah blah. SO for all of these reasons he couldnt get his own work done. Which meant that I had to work harder in a freezing cold warehouse. BLAH BLAH I have not much else to say.

Umm I'm listening to Savage Garden, wow I used to be crazy about this band. In fact, now that I'm listening to it again, I still kind of like it. Although they have some sort of obsession with the color purple and all things space. Cool. Now the song has changed from my middle school obsession to superchick wow another blast from the past.

Umm again, I've run out of things to say.

Wow

I'm lame

Listen to the Music

Music is one of the most important parts of my life. I dont know that I would be alive except that I can sing. Earlier today my sister and I and and friend of ours sang at our church. It was so beautiful, even if I say so myself. I love singing in church, and until today I had forgotten just how connected to myself and God. Singing is really how I can feel and express some of my emotions and if I sing something, I feel it, whether it is really true for me or not. Like if I sing a certain hymn in church at the time I sing the song, it is true, and the sentiments in it fit me. Although later I may realize that I really dont believe what I just sang is true.
Some people who read this will think that if I dont believe all the hymns and every passage in the Bible are true then I am not a Christian. I guess that could be true, but it is just how I believe. I accept everything but only adopt what feel right for me. So I may accept that some people belive that Jesus Christ was born of a virgin and was literally the son of God. I choose to belive that maybe Jesus was born by a very pure woman and turned out to be very blessed in his life, and was a very good teacher and man. But I havyet to believe his is the literal son of God, any more than I am. As it says in the Bible we are all children of God, and God is part of all of us.
I guess for me that my struggle is about the discrepancy in the Bible, a book on which christianity is based. Most christians take the Bible as fact, which I cannot. It is a collection of books and poems written by man, not written by God. Maybe it was inspired by God, and partially based on the life and teachings of a very good man. So what I think is that it may be a good starting place, but the Bible cannot just be a list of do's and do-not's from back in the days before there was electricity and before many of the people in the world could write. I think some fo the rules in there are very antiquated, like some of the rules about food and stoning people for certain events.
I guess you can read that I belive in God and most of the tenets of the Christian faith although I am still searching for the answer. I think I may always be searching, that is just the kind of person I am. But I know there is God. I guess thats all that matters.

Sorry if this was all a bit deep but it was just one of those days.

His Face

Today I saw the face of my love. Not in person, I wish, but through the web cam, I have seen him this way before, but everytime I do, my heart feels so full. When we are typing and chatting my heart is full, but when I see his face and can see his emotions I feel a stronger connection with him. I cannot wait until we can finally be together and I will be able to watch his face all the time and hear his voice and touch him. I just want us to be together forever.

Yea, people may think its strange that I am madly in love with a man I have never met, and never touched. But I think its strange that people say they love people they dont really know. We talk about everything so we know everything about each other. I dont lie to him or keep secrets from him and they same goes for him the truth is very important to him. Others who say they love the other and they havent talked about all important things, what they believe, how they think, how they feel, important experiences. I think that maybe having some distance between people physically leaves more room for a relationship to grow mentally and spiritually. It doesnt allow sex to get in the way as much. Many relationships that should be over aren't only because sex has come into the equation and they cannot turn away from that to see that they really arent compatible. Although for sanjib and I distance is a really big hurdle that we will have to overcome since we know alot about each other and want to be together. But Nepal and the US are very far away from each other.

Only one more!

Tomorrow is my last final and then I will be able to relax a bit. I am very happy. so happy I have posted a cute picture of my sister and me. We are dressed up in our outfits for our concert on Sunday. We had a camera and decided it was time to have some cheesy sisters-connected-at-the-cheek pictures. But with both of us looking especially good(in the face, not the clothes) we thought it would be a good time.
This small girl used to be the bane of my existance, but now she is one of my closest friends. We protect each other and try to make sur that no one walks on the other. I love you Ookie!

I am hoping that tomorrow will go well for me, with my final final exam.

Singing tonight

So we had our Christmas concert tonight, one of the many and I think it went well, mostly. I wont rant on specifics because who knows who will see this. But there are certain people who need to realize that they need to watch and to learn their music. It make everyone look and sound bad when people are constantly either not cutting off or cutting off too soon. It makes us look like no one knows what they are doing. It makes me crazy because I work so hard to learn my music and I want to sound good, but others don't seem to care at all.
So I hope that tomorrow goes better that today did, and that people take there music home and look over it. I am not, I am sleeping tonight, the hard sleep of the completely exhausted.

*SNORE*

Today I am starting to feel the burn of that wick getting closer to me from either side. This last sentence is an awkward attempt at utilizing the metaphor of burning the candle at both ends. whew that hurt my head. I have been studying like crazy for my final finals Monday and Tuesday next week.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAh!
I really have nothing more to say but I'm trying to get into the habit of blogging a bit more frequently. So I will try to ramble for a bit more. Tomorrow night is our concert at Mt Tabor Presbyterian church and I'm excited except I'm feeling a bit like I might be getting sick. So, I'm hoping that the massive amounts of vitamin C that I have been eating today will help me stave off sickness for another four days.
Today I am missing Sanjib normally every night we talk for as much time as possible about 2 hours. Unless we are busy which lately we have been. But still we talk every night or leave emails for the other. Last night I had an email but we missed each other, and today nothing, so I hope everything is fine. But its a routine, and more than that, it is a way for us to communicate, the only way that we really have.
So thats the end of my ramblings............hope you werent bored.

Just a Day in the Life

Today I presented my final project for my Psychology class. It was really an interesting day. The project was to create an artistic representation of self and to be able to explain it using the themes and vocabulary we learned during the term. I thought it was alot of fun. I decoupaged two nesting boxes with magazine pictures and words that describe who I am. I will probably post a few pics since I am very proud of my project.
I think my prof really dug it too. She was I think impressed with the amount of thought I put into it and all the explanations I had for the meanings of things. Like that the outer of the boxes represents the things that I show to the world. The inner box represents what I keep to myself. Both boxes have a few blank spots to show that I am still growing changing and that my life is a journey. Even another professor who came in really liked it and dragged my prof over to see it.
The class presented in the ASPCC Underground (the student lounge), where anyone who wanted could come in and see our presentations. One lady did a dance interpretation thing, a couple guys wrote songs, one girl sang and played a ukelele (she was crying the whole time). Many people did collages or other things like that, one girl even did hers on her snowboard.

Thats about all I have to say for today. Except that I will miss Sanjib when he is in Malaysia. Although I do hope that he has a good time.

FINALS!! AAAAAAAAAAH!

So finals are going to drag on for two weeks. I am finished with my psychology class on Wednesday after I turn in my project and paper. My final for my communication class is on Monday, when I will be turning in my final paper and taking the exam. I know that one will be easy. My written spanish final will be tomorrow and the oral exam will be on Thursday I think.

Enough

Today I was dressed a bit nicer than normal today and everyone was commenting on it. I thought it was strange, I am still the same me. I was just wrapped a bit better. I was dressed as I would normally be if I didnt work in a cold dirty warehouse. Since I didnt have to work I could dress nicely. Just a skirt and a sweater, nothing that special. Just strange that practically everyone asked me why I was dressed up. Thats all.

So long and thanks for all the fish

Today marks the end of my series of videos, I hope you enjoyed them. I certainly did. These videos give you some idea of what happens in my head. OK, whatever.

On to bigger and better things

Last night I had this wonderful dream and it put me in mind of some of my goal-dreams that I had forgotten about. The dream went somewhat like this:

I was dressed up beautifully and someone behind me (stage-manager, I think) told me it was time to go on. It was at that point I heard a huge noise, there were sooooo many people cheering I could barely think. So I walked out on stage, and I saw the lights and the crowd, it was great. I saw a small band on stage as well, and we got started. As I watched, I performed for the longest time. I sang jazz songs and rock songs, ballads and dance tunes. Everything! and I rocked. It was the end of the set and I started to introduce the next song, which was a love song, and I was about to dedicate it to my wonderful Sanjib, when I heard a sound next to me. It was Sanjib, right there on the side of the stage. So I continued my intro and launched into the song. He was standing there smiling, and I was crying happy tears to have him so near. When I was finished I took a few bows and left the stage and entered my love's arms.

So not only was this a sweet dream about my darling, it was a dream about my music. My music got me through so many troubles, through school, and just life in general. I have always been singing, probably from in-utero as well as before I could form words. Singing is something I have been known for my entire life. It has always been my dream to be a professional singer, but it is always something I have been afraid to do. I always worry what people think, especially about my singing, since it is close to my heart and soul. What I sing, I feel. Even if I wouldnt normally feel and think things in the music, but it becomes true for me as soon as I sing it.

So, dreams may be prophetic, or maybe not, but I hope so.

Barnes and Barnes-Fish Heads

Ok so this video is a turn for the abnormal. I saw this video and have been in love with it since 10th grade. So enjoy please.

EAT THEM UP YUM!

Le Disko (New Music Video) - Shiny Toy Guns

I have liked this song since I first heard it. And I was impressed when I saw the video. Beware this was edited for tv so "loaded gun" is edited out, not sure why, but..............there you go.
Today was a cold day and it will only get colder with a possibility of freezing rain tonight, so I may not be going to work right away in the morning, or, if its bad enough they might cancel classes at my college. I almost hope they do, but its getting close enought to finals I also hope they dont.
My grandma is home from the hospital today, they arent sure what is wrong with her, but I'm still worried, she has been getting more and more confused lately, and her health has been declining. I guess it really isnt all that strange that she isnt doing well she is getting old and hasnt really been taking care of her health. But still both of her sisters have died fairly recently, both within 3 months of each other I think, that makes me think that her time may be coming. I love her and I hope no matter what happens she know that.

The Postal Service -

OK so you might think that this is a lame video, but i like it. Something about the simplicity of the video makes my eyes shine with tears. Plus the song is good too. This video is different than most because it doesnt have any performance shot or a real story that matches with the song.

Today has been a strange day. In my spanish class we found out that our final exam is going to be alot more difficult than we thought. It is oral, we knew that, but we wont know the topic until eight minutes before our partners go in. We know we will have one of three topics but that means we have to prepare for them all in a week and a half. YIKES!

Mew - Special

Here is another of my favorite videos. I love that it is in black and white, it makes it more haunting especially with the guitar stylin' in the back. I heard the song first on the radio and then saw the video and now i like it even more.

Oh today it is snowy and very cold here, I'm pretty excited. It was icy out here in the boondocks this morning and there is supposed to be even colder with more snow tonight, so I'm hoping classes will be cancelled. Not that I have class until noon. However, its always nice to have an extra day off right before finals.

Hate me [Blue October]

Here is my second installment. OK so maybe this ones depressing and kind of not what people would expect me to like. But, I love it. Not sure why, but I guess inside this happy happy girl, is one who is crying. Enjoy, or not.

Introducing a New Series

Today I will be starting a new series of enties in my blog, a series that I started yesterday. A series of my most favorite music videos. So I hope you enjoy it!

One More Happy Thought

Here is one more thing that makes me happy, my wonderful boyfriend Sanjib. This is one of the most recent pictures I have of him. We have now known each other for almost six months, and during that time the physical distance between us hasnt changed, but the space between out hearts and minds has become less and less. Isnt it great.
One other thing about him is that he always makes me feel beautiful, and good, which for me is wonderful. Although he wont admit that he is handsome, he thinks he is not very cute. I of course disagree, to me no face is dearer and more handsome than any other face in the world. Even if I had to find him all the way around the world.

Ok Go--Here It Goes Again

Today is a day when I need a smile so join me with the giggles and joy that bubble from this video. I have watched this one so many times its silly, but I still laugh my overly-large-rear off everytime.

So with the weather as nasty as it is, and the cabin favor setting in after a 2 day break, a laugh was needed. The family was rubbing a bit the wrong way and sparks were flying, and not the romantic type.

Enjoy!

News! News!

This post is to invite all in the Portland OR area to a wonderful holiday concert. The Columbia Chorale of Oregon is singing at the grotto, we will be performing sections o f Brittain's Ceremony of Carol, as well as many holiday favorites from the serene to the hilarious. The concert will be on Saturday, November 25th, I believe at 7:00 pm. We will also be having 2 concerts the following weekend, one at the Mt Tabor Presbyterian church, on Saturday, and on Sunday, at the First Christian Church in St. Helens.
The Columbia Chorale, for those who may not know is a non profit, community based chorus, based in St Helens, Oregon. We are led by Ryan Heller, a talented singer and conductor. We are always looking for new members, and people who wish to donate money.

Phew, thats over

I said I would blog our concert dates bu thats not really what I wanted to write about today. Today I am writing about College, in all its many splendored wonder and glory. This term I'm taking 3 classes, Psychology 101, Speech Communication 100, and Spanish 201 and 211.
I am enjoying immensely my psychology class, my instructor is young and energetic and she has done a good job of keeping the class from becoming too selfhelp-like, even though the class could easily take that turn. She is a passionate lecturer, and has recently achieved her doctorate, so she knows what she is talking about.
However, my enthusiasm wanes when i speak of my communication class. OK, os its a 100 level class, its easy, but it is dumbed down for those who really need it, although most people have to take the class as a requirement for their degrees. So I think that there should be a SP 100 (for degree seekers) and SP 100 (for beginners) that way those of us who have some idea of what communication is all about, wont be bored for the whole term.
Enough venting Kim, move on to spanish, thats interesting.
I love spanish, I had taken it in high school, but I was tired of being stuck in classes with people who didnt want to be there. So I am overjoyed to be in a class with others who are learning a foreign language because they want to, not just to be accepted into a university.

So thats my classes, which, by-the-way, im almost done with, and let me tell you I can hardly wait for break.

Hope Ya'll had a wonderful turkey day!

Oh readers may you be far or near, i have an update, although it has been slow in coming, i joined Weight Watchers. Although only for a few weeks i am very happy with my weight loss, in my first 2 weeks i lost almost 7 pounds. My parents think they can see my facial structure a bit more, I am not sure of that yet. But my hope is up.

I also have one comment for drunken chinese tourists. Dont Jump Into Any Animal Cages. Actually i think that is a general comment for everyone, at least everyone who isnt supposed to be in cages at a zoo. These comments come courtesy of a chinese tourist at a Beijing zoo who thought it would be nice to pet a panda, and consequently earned many stitches on both legs to prove that this was a dumb idea. I will also add that in the fray this esteemed gentleman, also decided to bite this panda right back. Although human teeth just didnt cause much damage to this poor violated animal.

The craziest day ever

For all those who have been reading yesterday was my last day of finals. Hooray! I had my acting final and went on home. I was so ready for a break, and sat on the couch for some well deserved rest. I recieved a call which sent me rushing in to pick up some fundraising materiels, which for those who dont know about the scrip center, it just under an hour away from my house. So i drive my little brown race car (thank you Ken and Allison) to the scrip center pick up the goods and head for home.
I had a rehearsal in St. Helens at 6:30, the time now was about 4:30, as a approached the exit for highway thirty of of I-405 the car refuses to accelerate all the idiot lights come on and all i can see is the huge semi looming in the rear view. So, i frantically look for a place to pull over, but in this section there is only about 6 feet on the side of the road so cars are now swerving to get around me as the car comes to a stop.
I call my dad frantically hoping that he isnt too far past on his way home. He started to rush to my rescue. Before he got there though, a friend from My Fair Lady pulled over to help, and about that time an ODOT truck pulled in behind me to get me and the car out of traffic. He ended up pushing the car with his truck all the way across four lanes of traffic, i think, it all is kind of a blur.
My dad showed up and we called AAA but in the process tried to start the car and heard an ominous banging sound and saw copious amounts of oil pooled in the engine, but none in the correct place.
We got the diagnosis today, the car had a catastrophic oil event, whatever that is, and now needs a new engine, so now we are deciding what to do with the little brown race care. So thought i would tell my few readers about my life threatening and frightening experience.

What am i doing?

Right now it is getting close to finals, they are next week. I am going crazy. my friends, some of them, aren't studying, it almost seems like i am the only one who cares to succeed acedemically. It is bizarre, many of them have gone to school for years and yet this term they don't care. I do not understand at all. Whatever.
The other thing crazy is my boyfriend/best-friend who lives in Nepal. My friends are giving me such crap about him. Many of them think he is just some creepy internet rapist preying on little innocent me, or the think he just is trying to marry me to immigrate here. Again, they are crazy, I have spoken to him about his possible immigration, and that is not why he loves me. We met by accident and now speak all the time possible. I'll post a picture of him once i ask him if it is ok.

Is our culture changing?

Today while watching TV I saw an amazing change. Okay so many people may not notice this change, but I think I may be a bit biased. I saw numerous plus sized, or almost plus sized models and actors. This is something that I personally have been waiting for. Not just because I am plus-sized, but because not everyone is ever going to be beautiful in the same way. Beauty comes from within and many larger sized women are not considered beautiful because they look different from someone who is conventionally beautiful.
Another point, not all women who are slighty larger are not unhealthy or disgusting they are simply larger. Some people see overweight people as lazy and sedintary. Well we are not all that way, I AM TIRED OF PEOPLE ASSUMING THAT I AM LAZY! I live a pretty active life, I act and sing and dance one of those almost every night of the week. Plus, I walk, and go to school full time and work part time.


I don't think that I am ugly. Nor do ithink that my weight is the only dimension to me. This is true about so many others, my friends, family, others. I don't understand how such a large part of the population and their beauty can be ignored by mainstream media.
One reason this is, according to a freind of mine in the fitness technology department, is that now there are more mainstream and acceptable ways to lose the weight. If there are options to get rid of an "imperfection" then it really isn't so bad. Well now that getting rid of weight isn't hidden the weight itself and the people carrying the weight aren't hidden, the beauty of these people isn't hidden.
For example, the weight watchers commercials, the women in these commercials are so beautiful and confident in their bodies.

What is next number tatoos?

I recently heard some Radio jockeys talking about a plan some senator is trying to start that would implant microchips into people who are in the US to work. Now most people know about microchips from their pets. Most places that rescue animals sheck fpr microchips and ownership an a national database.
What does this say about our views on immigrants, that they are our pets?
How can we think something so cruel about a class of people doing work that we won't do. There are all kinds of people in the country and that is the way it should be. Our diversity is all that keeps us in the US as a growing and beautiful place.
How do we decide that certain immigrants are pets now when we were just like them before now.

I am soo done with this rant.

One happy thing I have to say is, ICU nurses are the best. With my father in ICU recently and my grandma there right now I must say all the nurses I met were extremely kind and willing to explain anything and make us feel comfortable with all the equipment. The breathing tubes are the worst, and the nurse who ws with my father explained that things would get better, and they did!
Well Adios Mis Amigos, I'll speak to ya'll again right soon.

Wee

Whowever thought of this blog thing is a genius. My stuff published on the inter net for the entire universe to see, how awesome. The other thing about blogs are that people around the world can misinterpret people's thoughts and opinions about problems and evens they know nothing about.
If I say I hate (insert bias here) because they (insert specified behavior), people can say, oh, this person must really know what they are talking about, I will believe them. Even if they are complete idiots and live in the middle of nowhere with a modem and a bias.

Hooray for blogs

I've been kicked into the blogosphere. Some one please help!