My Birthday!

This is the story of my experience as I remember it on my 21st birthday, last night. It may not be what happened or flattering to me, but the story had to be told, it is too funny to pass up. I am also prefacing this with a solemn oath that I will never get that drunk again. I mean it. I hated it. Well, you will see.

The night started out well, Clayton and I were both kind of nervously excited. I was worried what I would be like drunk and praying that I wouldn't make a fool out of myself. I am, in case you didn't already know, a good girl; when I say good girl, think squeaky clean. I hadn't ever been drunk before my 21st, don't do drugs, am...lets say chaste, and generally want to please people. So...I was scared shit less.

Before we hit Red Cap Clayton made me start guzzling Mike's, since he wanted me to have a good buzz on. I was super nervous when we got there and everyone was nice and I started off the night in good spirits (ha ha, I didn't even mean to have a pun there). I drank something blue that was pretty strong but tasted good, which to me means that I can't taste the alcohol I think we did a shot of tequila and then took our seats for the drag show.

By this time I was feeling a bit disoriented but generally good. The show went well and my buddies started shoving cash into my bra for the drag queens to retrieve with their teeth. It was then announced to the world that it was my 21st birthday. I was a little shaky on my feet at this point so I was more that happy just to sit in my seat and drink those blue drinks as they were put in front of me. my recollection tells me that they numbered 2 at this point, but Clayton thinks it was 3.

I was then summoned onto the stage, it was really hard to walk in four inch heels and not take a header in the state I was in. I think she asked me some questions, and did some patter, and had the whole bar sing Happy Birthday to me as badly as they could, but then the real fun began. I was told to hold onto this rail and bend over for my spankings. Dear Lord, I was scared. So I did it and two drag queens proceeded to hit me really hard on the ass 21 times. Ow. I literally have a bruise on my butt. I then needed to take my seat again, but luckily Clayton and the drag queen(I can't remember her name) helped me to my seat without dropping me on my face.

Here is where my recollection starts getting hazy: I think I had another of those magical blue drinks, then we found out way to Silverado's via two of those fancy bike cab things(There were three of us). I could not walk on my own at this point and really had to try to concentrate on anything. I was really scared. Clayton says I was pretty much scared the whole time and that I cried, but I don't remember that. So we went in and I was so out of it that various people who had been at Red cap as well wished me a merry birthday, I didn't even notice.

The boys sat me down right in front of one of the strippers...um wow...first of all, I could barely see, and second, I don't think I am really into nudity, or strippers. Clayton thought I should put money in his pants I on the other hand was trying to keep my head attached to my neck. So I was frog marched to the stage where Clayton's hand forced mine and some money into that poor man's crotch. Not my thing.

So I was handed a water and told that I would not be drinking any more. I think I was relieved, but it was more like I had stopped caring, my brain was somewhere in the bottom of four AMF's, a shot of tequila, and a bunch of Mike's. I then sat at the bar sipping my water and trying to keep from barfing. I was trying to be cool with my water and ended up knocking it over twice and hitting myself a number of times in the face with the straws. I also freaked out whenever Clayton tried to leave and decided I was really drunk. I think I tried dancing at one point, but decided my stool looked much better than the floor so I sat while Clayton danced right next to me(remember I wouldn't let him leave)...I think he bit me? and tried to make out with me? I mean, I love the man, but that was just weird.

Then Clayton came to get me up and head out for Brian's house where we were crashing, and all those yummy blue drinks decided to come for a visit, to the whole club. I was in the balcony and just barfed it up a good one. All over the counter and the floor and it apparently dripped down onto the people below. EW! I don't remember that part though, I think I was preoccupied with the bit of barf in my hair.

We got back into the bike cabs and made our way back to the car, I still don't remember that much, mostly that I was once again scared and thought I was going to fall out. I also think I told the driver numerous times that I was drunk and had just puked. He sang Happy birthday to me, how nice. I don't know how we made it to Brian's house, nor how I got into bed. But I woke up not knowing where I was with glitter on my chest, my ID in my bra, mascara all over my face, and one hell of a hangover.