Longest Blog Ever!

I just weighed myself and I have now lost 5 pounds since starting the South Beach Diet. I think I could be doing better if I could just get off my ass and start walking. It is really difficult for me, but I have been doing better, any progress is better than none.

I should be getting my CES machine this week and I can't wait to start giving it a shot! I can't remember if I let it out that I have ADD. I was just diagnosed with it in the last month. I have been reading about it and trying to decide how I feel about it and I have decided that I can't let it stop me. I just need to find different ways of coping than I have been using before. Time for some hard work! I have also decided that I want to do as much of this without drugs as I can. I met with my doctor and she agrees. She is against starting adults on stimulants without serious thought or discussion, because there is such a risk of addiction. That, and there isn't a whole lot of research on what ritalin and adderol do in the adult brain, at least not as much as in children.

I have been trying to reach out to a few people I haven't spoken to in a while to see if they want to start walking with me. It has been really hard but I just need to make a new support group for myself. I don't need toxic influences on my life and that is what I had before. I didn't even know it! Now I do and I am NOT going to let that happen to me again.

This weekend was really interesting for me. We went to the coast and one of my sister's friends came along with us. I had a really hard time with the stress and the people. I wanted to come home partway into the first day! Dad decided he wouldn't let me run and so I had to deal. I did. Mostly. The Fourth was the worst and the best. We spent the morning hanging out in the campground then we headed out to visit family. Two groups of our family were at the coast as well. It was great to see them! I LOVE my family and they are such a great support for and I did well with the groups even though there were a couple strangers at one house we went to.

Later that night is when things got hairy. Mom dragged us down on the beach to watch the fireworks. It was seriously NUTS! There were a ton of people drinking yelling and setting off fireworks. I had asked to stay in the trailer, but Mom started sighing and frowning so I knew she would be pissed if i stayed whether or not she said I could. I said I would go so long as people didn't leave me alone and they didn't let me get lost in the crowd. As soon as we got out of the car guess what happened? I was left by the side of the road while they trotted on ahead. Dad came back and walked with me and told mom that she needed to slow down.

We eventually found a spot in the sand to set up our blankets and all the way there I was in full panic mode. I was hyperventilating, crying, and sweating, the WHOLE TIME! Mom just ignored me when I asked if we could stay near the edge and went on wading in to find us a spot. It was HORRIBLE! Then Mom started in on how proud she was of me and all that crap, gah! I am not going to do that again for a long while! I have to make my own decisions even if it is going to piss Mom off. We couldn't even see the real fireworks because of the fog!

Enough of that! I am doing better now and am trying to look ahead not back.

Oh, I also think I might start writing again. I have an idea for a story that I really think other people would enjoy. Now I just need to get myself to do the actual writing! UGH!