A Fresh Start

Here I am victorious after a couple of days of crap. The diet has gone well so far, I have only had a bite of a carrot(on accident) and ate some fat free frozen yogurt at Costco. It had sugar in it, but it was infinitely better than the hot dogs or any other offering on the menu. Once I can have whole grains I would have the turkey wrap but...anywho.

The crap I speak of is of a personal sort. There has been a blowup coming of a grand sort between be and my former best friend. He hasn't acted as my best friend for some time. A couple months actually, but I was putting up with it. I figured that he was my only support through all of my issues.

It turns out that my anxiety is too big a deal for him to deal with and the tactics my psychologist and I are working on are to him, incorrect. This is bull shit. He may work in the mental health field but that does NOT make him right. I have a right to have my own journey and my own path without my best friend belittling me and putting down my effort.

I may not always be the most pleasant person to be around and owing to my anxiety and depression I'm complicated(not that I wasn't always) but recently it has been worse. I would have been in counseling at least a month earlier if it had not been for a broken promise from him. But this doesn't give him the right to tell my that I am doing this wrong. I am trying to hold myself together and hold my head high. It is really hard for me to do this. It doesn't make it any easier when the one person you thought would always be there turns his back on you and tells you it is your own fault.

I am done! I make my own rules and I can choose the people who support me. I know who they are now. in the last few days I have gotten more words of encouragement from complete strangers or people I haven't seen in over a year than I have from my best friend. I need a clean break and he isn't giving it to me. Every few hours he comes up with some other point to make and harasses me about it. Even though I have asked him to leave me alone unless he can be positive. It is over. I am through being belittled and chastised for a disease I am working on beating.

I have lost a pound in the last two days and I am feeling so good about myself. It was surprising to note that I was barely upset when all this went down after the initial blow up.

I am becoming stronger in mind spirit and body and I am strong enough to keep going.

And I will!