This has been a great week on some levels. I am feeling good about myself more and more, even though the scale is being stubborn and not reflecting the changes I am noticing. Mostly my legs seem thinner and my belly is not quite as bulbous as it had been. I think some of the reason the scale isn't changing is that I don't really have good habits about when I measure my weight. I'm bad at schedules...
I do tend to go on carb binges and so far I've only done that a couple time since starting this whole South Beach thing. Last night included...Ooops. There were wheat thins in the house and I have no tool to say no to those. But I did well today and even went for a long hike. I took Gleep and we went for about 40-50mins up the Crown Zellerbach Trail. It follows an old logging/railroad bed up the Scappoose/Vernonia Hwy. It isn't officially open but many people use it and have used it for ages. It goes way up into the hills but it isn't very steep so it was great for us. I forgot to grab the pedometer so I have no idea the distance we walked but it was pretty considerable.
Oh and I have a great tip I heard from one of the salespeople at No Skinny, my new favorite clothes store. If you deal with chafing between the thighs or other places, a liberal application of baby oil really helps. I had no issues with that on my hike today.
I think that is about it for now...Yeah!
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
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Monday, June 22, 2009
Holding On
I refuse to go under. The last couple days I have felt like there was a tsunami coming and it definitely did. I ate out twice at restaurants I thought would work, but didn't, performed an a concert with a ginormous audience all without a huge breakdown. Dad switched spots with me so that I could sit by someone I know during our wait during the first half of the concert. He also held my hand and helped me sort of dash out of the emptying auditorium. That milling around and general chaos is not easy for me to handle.
I will also say that I am pissed that one of my favorite restaurants in St. Helens is not South Beach friendly. We went there as a family and there weren't any dressings or condiments I could make into a dressing on a salad. I could have don't some type of omelet but I am a hash brown junkie so it would have been difficult to turn that down. So I went with an asian chicken salad figuring I could handle a bit of a salad dressing no-no. It was HORRIBLE, the dressing was watery and flavorless, the grilled chicken I had requested instead of the breaded tenderloin was dry, and the lettuce was browning. They comped me something else, but by that time I was so pissed I just got a Cobb salad and said to heck with it. Pig n Pancake is also not that great although once I'm off phase one it will be alot better, they offer buckwheat pancakes and have a large variety of omelets. I think I will be eat many omelets when I'm out to eat.
Today I think the combination of all those things plus the lack of weightloss, and my inability to exercise hit me pretty hard. I felt like I was drowning all day. I wasnted to go for another hike today, even though it's cloudy, but the extreme chafing(chub-rub)on my inner thighs makes even walking around the house painful. I will be going shopping for better exercise clothes this week. I think that will make it better so that I can get hiking again, once I heal.
Thanks to all of those who are supporting me through all of this. I could not do it without you. THANK YOU!
I will also say that I am pissed that one of my favorite restaurants in St. Helens is not South Beach friendly. We went there as a family and there weren't any dressings or condiments I could make into a dressing on a salad. I could have don't some type of omelet but I am a hash brown junkie so it would have been difficult to turn that down. So I went with an asian chicken salad figuring I could handle a bit of a salad dressing no-no. It was HORRIBLE, the dressing was watery and flavorless, the grilled chicken I had requested instead of the breaded tenderloin was dry, and the lettuce was browning. They comped me something else, but by that time I was so pissed I just got a Cobb salad and said to heck with it. Pig n Pancake is also not that great although once I'm off phase one it will be alot better, they offer buckwheat pancakes and have a large variety of omelets. I think I will be eat many omelets when I'm out to eat.
Today I think the combination of all those things plus the lack of weightloss, and my inability to exercise hit me pretty hard. I felt like I was drowning all day. I wasnted to go for another hike today, even though it's cloudy, but the extreme chafing(chub-rub)on my inner thighs makes even walking around the house painful. I will be going shopping for better exercise clothes this week. I think that will make it better so that I can get hiking again, once I heal.
Thanks to all of those who are supporting me through all of this. I could not do it without you. THANK YOU!
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Wednesday, June 17, 2009
New Technology
I have been going to therapy for my depression and anxiety and in the process have found out that I also have Attention Deficit Disorder(ADD). This wasn't something that I have ever considered even in the remote corners of my paranoid mind. So I did research...alot of research. I spoke to people and spoke to my family and others that know about mental health. There are many people who have ADD that lead great lives undiagnosed for ages. One person I spoke to was fifty when she had a melt-down similar to mine. She had raised two children, one with mental health problems, had a great career as a lawyer, and generally had a successful life. After her meltdown she had alot of issues with depression and anxiety and turned into a hermit until she could cope with her problems. She is now living a very successful life again. Hearing this, I am hopeful that I can deal with this. I'm just not sure how long it will take me to get under control. I'm just not sure how long it will take.
I asked my psychologist what my options were for treatment, and if there were options that we could pursue without pharmaceuticals. I don't really like taking them, but if I need to I will. I am already on an anti-depressant and I'm not sure that I want to add another drug to the mix. She suggested a few books that outlined dietary and herbal forms of treatment and then started talking about a really cool piece of technology.
She had gone to a seminar from a company called Allevia Health, Inc. They make an amazing product called Alpha-Stim. It is an electrical machine that you attach to your ears and it puts waves through your brain. It is amazing. It is FDA approved for depression anxiety and insomnia but there a a ton of studies going on with migraines, pain, and many brain disorders. There is a ton of information on their website.
My psychologist started talking about her experience with one and asked if I wanted to try it. I wore the machine for about half and hour during my session and I could tell there was a difference. I felt more relaxed, rational, and calm. In just that short amount of time. She gave me the company's name and website so I checked them out as soon as I got home yesterday and called my insurance company today. They cover it! Without much hassle too! So as soon as I can I will be getting my machine and stimulating my troubles away.
Seriously, if you have depression, anxiety, or insomnia, check it out!
I asked my psychologist what my options were for treatment, and if there were options that we could pursue without pharmaceuticals. I don't really like taking them, but if I need to I will. I am already on an anti-depressant and I'm not sure that I want to add another drug to the mix. She suggested a few books that outlined dietary and herbal forms of treatment and then started talking about a really cool piece of technology.
She had gone to a seminar from a company called Allevia Health, Inc. They make an amazing product called Alpha-Stim. It is an electrical machine that you attach to your ears and it puts waves through your brain. It is amazing. It is FDA approved for depression anxiety and insomnia but there a a ton of studies going on with migraines, pain, and many brain disorders. There is a ton of information on their website.
My psychologist started talking about her experience with one and asked if I wanted to try it. I wore the machine for about half and hour during my session and I could tell there was a difference. I felt more relaxed, rational, and calm. In just that short amount of time. She gave me the company's name and website so I checked them out as soon as I got home yesterday and called my insurance company today. They cover it! Without much hassle too! So as soon as I can I will be getting my machine and stimulating my troubles away.
Seriously, if you have depression, anxiety, or insomnia, check it out!
Monday, June 15, 2009
A Fresh Start
Here I am victorious after a couple of days of crap. The diet has gone well so far, I have only had a bite of a carrot(on accident) and ate some fat free frozen yogurt at Costco. It had sugar in it, but it was infinitely better than the hot dogs or any other offering on the menu. Once I can have whole grains I would have the turkey wrap but...anywho.
The crap I speak of is of a personal sort. There has been a blowup coming of a grand sort between be and my former best friend. He hasn't acted as my best friend for some time. A couple months actually, but I was putting up with it. I figured that he was my only support through all of my issues.
It turns out that my anxiety is too big a deal for him to deal with and the tactics my psychologist and I are working on are to him, incorrect. This is bull shit. He may work in the mental health field but that does NOT make him right. I have a right to have my own journey and my own path without my best friend belittling me and putting down my effort.
I may not always be the most pleasant person to be around and owing to my anxiety and depression I'm complicated(not that I wasn't always) but recently it has been worse. I would have been in counseling at least a month earlier if it had not been for a broken promise from him. But this doesn't give him the right to tell my that I am doing this wrong. I am trying to hold myself together and hold my head high. It is really hard for me to do this. It doesn't make it any easier when the one person you thought would always be there turns his back on you and tells you it is your own fault.
I am done! I make my own rules and I can choose the people who support me. I know who they are now. in the last few days I have gotten more words of encouragement from complete strangers or people I haven't seen in over a year than I have from my best friend. I need a clean break and he isn't giving it to me. Every few hours he comes up with some other point to make and harasses me about it. Even though I have asked him to leave me alone unless he can be positive. It is over. I am through being belittled and chastised for a disease I am working on beating.
I have lost a pound in the last two days and I am feeling so good about myself. It was surprising to note that I was barely upset when all this went down after the initial blow up.
I am becoming stronger in mind spirit and body and I am strong enough to keep going.
And I will!
The crap I speak of is of a personal sort. There has been a blowup coming of a grand sort between be and my former best friend. He hasn't acted as my best friend for some time. A couple months actually, but I was putting up with it. I figured that he was my only support through all of my issues.
It turns out that my anxiety is too big a deal for him to deal with and the tactics my psychologist and I are working on are to him, incorrect. This is bull shit. He may work in the mental health field but that does NOT make him right. I have a right to have my own journey and my own path without my best friend belittling me and putting down my effort.
I may not always be the most pleasant person to be around and owing to my anxiety and depression I'm complicated(not that I wasn't always) but recently it has been worse. I would have been in counseling at least a month earlier if it had not been for a broken promise from him. But this doesn't give him the right to tell my that I am doing this wrong. I am trying to hold myself together and hold my head high. It is really hard for me to do this. It doesn't make it any easier when the one person you thought would always be there turns his back on you and tells you it is your own fault.
I am done! I make my own rules and I can choose the people who support me. I know who they are now. in the last few days I have gotten more words of encouragement from complete strangers or people I haven't seen in over a year than I have from my best friend. I need a clean break and he isn't giving it to me. Every few hours he comes up with some other point to make and harasses me about it. Even though I have asked him to leave me alone unless he can be positive. It is over. I am through being belittled and chastised for a disease I am working on beating.
I have lost a pound in the last two days and I am feeling so good about myself. It was surprising to note that I was barely upset when all this went down after the initial blow up.
I am becoming stronger in mind spirit and body and I am strong enough to keep going.
And I will!
Saturday, June 13, 2009
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Wednesday, June 10, 2009
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Constipation?
It turns out I suck at blogging...I think I already knew that. It also turns out that Maggie was not pregnant! She was constipated and had a cold... So we got her through the antibiotics and on a high fiber diet and sent her back to the Humane society. Now we are hoping they will send us a new cat. One that is actually pregnant! We loves kitties!
In pet related news I got myself a dog! He came with the name Benny but I wanted to give him a name that fit him and me better. His new name is Gleep! Named after the baby dragon from Robert Lynn Aspirin's Myth Adventures series. He is a three year old yorkshire terrier/ chihuahua mix and weighs about eight pounds. He is super sweet! He does have issues though...
His story is a sad one: He spent the first two years of his life outside on a chain. The lady I rescued him from found him at a vet and offered to foster him and find him a new home. He was emaciated and completely matted with nails so over-grown they were starting to grow into the bottom of his pads. He spent the first few months shaking.
He is sorta territorial and will lunge at Koko although he is mostly good with other dogs. He came to me housetrained and off leash trained. We just need to work on barking and obedience. He sits, some of the time, but not often. I will start blogging pictures soon.
I am also joining my brother and sister in law in a weight loss pact. I can't wait! I am ready to be smaller and healthier and I am sure that weighing less and being able to do things will make it easier to deal with my depression
In pet related news I got myself a dog! He came with the name Benny but I wanted to give him a name that fit him and me better. His new name is Gleep! Named after the baby dragon from Robert Lynn Aspirin's Myth Adventures series. He is a three year old yorkshire terrier/ chihuahua mix and weighs about eight pounds. He is super sweet! He does have issues though...
His story is a sad one: He spent the first two years of his life outside on a chain. The lady I rescued him from found him at a vet and offered to foster him and find him a new home. He was emaciated and completely matted with nails so over-grown they were starting to grow into the bottom of his pads. He spent the first few months shaking.
He is sorta territorial and will lunge at Koko although he is mostly good with other dogs. He came to me housetrained and off leash trained. We just need to work on barking and obedience. He sits, some of the time, but not often. I will start blogging pictures soon.
I am also joining my brother and sister in law in a weight loss pact. I can't wait! I am ready to be smaller and healthier and I am sure that weighing less and being able to do things will make it easier to deal with my depression
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